Day 164

Weather:
Rain on and off throughout the day.

Today’s Hike:
Glencliff, NH/Hikers Welcome Hostel - 0.0 miles

Living out here brings on a sense of inner stillness that invites you to listen if you let yourself be aware enough. The babble of your everyday thoughts slowly fades away and you begin to become aware of that inner voice you've silenced. That voice that is your sixth sense but that you've skillfully learned to rationalize with and instead have let yourself live with the idea of how life should be. It becomes a rude and painful awakening when all at once you choose to stop rationalizing with that voice, and rather choose to get real and listen. No one ever wants to see the faults of their ways and how not only those faults have affected themselves, but how those faults have affected others as well.

Once the truth of your life is recognized it cannot be ignored. So it was at this point, the point of true self-honesty that I found myself admitting that I no longer wanted to go back to the life I was living. I no longer wanted to rationalize with that inner voice. I no longer wanted to coexist within a life partnership with someone I had spent the last nine years building my entire life around. I wanted to know who I was and wanted to rediscover what I had let myself lose.

And so it was. This realization has not only altered my life but my thru-hike as well. Muster and I have split and began separate hikes; I am hiking with the Packadivas and she is hiking with Billy Hoot and Nutmeg. I will continue on to Katadhin and will return to a new life when I'm done. I know it won't be easy, but I'm ready to see what the future has to offer.